NEWSLETTER ARTICLES 2025

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR PHONE IF IT WAS A ????

At last summer's holiday camp, I had a group of kids aged 10-14. None were allowed to do anything on their phones, and every break period it was fascinating to see them devise and play various games with no outside input at all, and to be so engaged in what they were doing. It was clear to me that they were doing what kids are meant to do, immersed in enjoyment, and yet learning social and life skills at the same time. More on this later.

Whatever your age, you can put your love of your smart phone to the test (or strengthen your dislike of it) by trying this; Have you ever strongly considered how you would feel about your phone...... if it was another human being?

Stay with me here, and really picture and feel each of these scenarios!

If another person was endlessly distracting you as much as your phone does, how would you feel about that person? Would you want them hanging around you so much?

If you're talking to a friend or a colleague face-to-face and you're interrupted by another person randomly coming in and taking the attention of who you were talking to, how would you feel about that person?

If another person could fascinate, excite, entertain, and make you laugh as much as your phone can, how would your partner feel about them? Would they want them hanging around you all day every day?

If you're physically together with your family, but you're not saying anything to each other because other people are right there taking up everyone's individual attention, how would you feel about those people? Would you want them in your house every evening?

Finally, you've got a rare bit of free time to yourself, so you use it for something important like checking in with your wellbeing, thinking about your next big idea, or planning something nice for someone, but instead some idiot interrupts you to show you a photo of your friend's cat! Is that really ok?

Human beings naturally crave meaningful face-to-face social contact with other human beings, and benefit greatly from it, whilst we also benefit greatly from periods of time alone for self-reflection, and a bit of stillness. Smart phones are directly responsible for us missing out on so many opportunities for both of these valuable experiences, to the point that some people don't even recognise their value anymore. 

Years ago, I tried to implement simple rules for squads, lessons, matchplays, and team tennis matches, where players had to switch their phone off by the time they entered the Hawker gates, and weren't allowed to switch them on again until they exited the same gates. I had to give it up as the players couldn't do it and it couldn't be enforced. 

Perhaps one day parents will come to me and ask if it's ok their child leaves their phone at home when they come to tennis. I'd gladly agree, and I still remember the days when kids having phones at tennis wasn't even a thing!

You know it's serious when older Gen Z's are now saying in their droves that they wish they had never been given smart phones as kids, something that no previous generation has ever said about the technology they grew up with.

I personally think it's a gift to give a child the space and freedom to manage a block of time without the distraction of a device that offers 100 different ways to disengage them from their current physical environment, and the people within it; a gift that anyone over the age of 35  (and every human being that ever lived before that) would have taken for granted during their own childhood, but a gift all the same. 

Thankfully schools are finally starting to give kids that gift during the school day, and the painfully slow process of society managing children and smart phones will hopefully keep gathering pace.

I'll end by giving you some free investment advice! One day smartphones will be totally banned for under 16's, I feel it's inevitable. So, if you want a good looking bet, then invest in manufacturer's of dumb phones now, because every child is going to have one in the future!

EXTRA: Here's a great summary of where we're at right now, from a short radio interview with Jonathon Haidt last month (author of bestselling The Anxious Generation) if you're interested

Featuring author Matthew Hussey, and tennis superstar Emma Raducanu!

Kids are often encouraged to dream big, chase your dreams because you can do anything. Adults are often reminded not to lose sight of their own dreams, but far too many of us are chasing a definition of success being sold to us by society, that often only leads to stress, anxiety, lack of happiness, a sense of unfulfillment, and even illness. No-one seems to be teaching us HOW to chase our dreams and chase success in a healthy way.

Here's a simple way to look at it, inspired by Matthew Hussey's book 'Love Life'. 

You can be a 'happy enough' type, or a 'never enough' type. 

The 'never enough' person is someone who is always striving for more, more money, more power, more status, more victories, more success, and some of these people end up being INCREDIBLY successful, but they rarely ever become satisfied with what they have, no matter how well they do. On the face of it, what's so wrong with that? Why would you want to settle for 'happy enough' when you could be pushing yourself to achieve more?

You can do both, and here's the explanation, quoted directly from 'Love Life':

Happy enough isn't accepting less, it's a philosophy rooted in gratitude and acceptance. This moment, this life, this body, this mind, this is enough for me to be happy. I may choose to try for more, because more might be fun, it might add comfort to my life, it might add new experiences, it might add new connections, but I am not putting myself through it from a place of lack, but from a place of calm. It's amazing how much this allows you to attempt more, because all of a sudden, you have nothing to lose. If the thing we are trying to get doesn't happen, we haven't risked or lost our happiness by not getting it. When we think of someone with nothing to lose, we often think of it in a negative sense, as in, someone who has nothing. But when we are happy enough, we have nothing to lose because we can look at our life today and recognise that it is already enough.

With this reality, someone can feel that it would be awesome to become the best tennis player they can be, to find a perfect partner, to have a happy and successful child, but the absence of such things doesn't prevent us from being happy enough to enjoy the life we have today right now. Being happy enough gives us personal power, not from a defensive or cynical place, but from having agency in our own happiness, that coexists with an openness to the endless possibilities that life has to offer.

Emma Raducanu appears to be slowly working this out. After her 1st round win a few days ago at the Australian Open, she said 'I feel like I'm not necessarily trying to prove anything, I'm just doing it for myself. I'm a lot more comfortable with myself which helps. I've come to the realisation that I enjoy going to practice, and doing all my sessions, and feeling really satisfied with the work that I put in'. She went on 'Maybe in the past I've been very high and so very down if I've lost, but now I'm not necessarily just playing for the result. My goal this year, it's not to be too high or too low. It's great to win this first match for a few months, but I just want to look at it, celebrate it for what it is, and just kind of move on. That's going to be the same when I lose a match this year. It's not going to be a disaster either'. Now that sounds pretty healthy to me. She's basically not giving her tennis results power over her emotions and wellbeing, and that's a big part of what it's all about. 

Deeper levels of happiness cannot come from success, or other people, or objects or money. Neither do we have full control over those things, so why would we give them power over our emotions, well-being and happiness? 

If you want to chase your dreams, then first take stock of everything that makes your life truly great as things stand today. People, things, and circumstances are fine to include, but doing this exercise from the perspective of gratitude and acceptance will provide the richest and most meaningful clarity for how wonderful and amazing your life is right now. Use this to build a platform, and chase your dreams from that platform, and you can never lose, and can never fail.

To conclude, don't ever be scared to chase your dreams, but also don't ever give your dreams the power to make you sad, angry, anxious, or to lower your self-esteem or self-worth. Good luck!